Thank God for family

I spent this weekend with lots and lots of family, and am now preparing for more family visits later this week.  It's so great to have such amazing family to visit, though after the third family I am starting to get completely exhausted.

This weekend my moms met Kate's brother, sister-in-law, dad and bonus mom for the first time.  The introductory hello turned into a wedding meeting after the breakfast plates were cleared and we were on our third, then fourth, then fifth cup of coffee.  All I can say is thank God for family.

The meeting, while totally and completely overwhelming, made me and Kate think about event and logistic details that need to be decided in the next month.  Many of the things that we talked about Kate and I hadn't discussed yet or even realized we needed to think about.

I am so thankful that we both come from great families who can help us put on this great wedding ceremony and event weekend.  The meeting changed how we had been viewing the wedding, and I really don't know what would have happened without them and all the rest of our great families.

I bought my wedding dress!!!

There is so much I want to write about, but I'm simply exhausted.  We just returned from visiting family all throughout California, and I'm glad to be home.  But I wanted to quickly update about my "Christmas present" to myself.  I bought/won the wedding dress!  I have a wedding dress!

More wedding dress details are over at this link. I bought the dress for a total of $68, though I expect alterations will cost me a pretty penny (if I end up paying for them instead of having a friend do them.)  I can't wait to try it on!  I'm dreaming of simple accessories - a strand of pearls, maybe - and just being very elegant.

Yay!  I'm so excited!

Blessed

For those of you who celebrate, Merry Christmas!  I am currently enjoying my third of four holidaies of the season.  Today we will be celebrating my second Christmas, after already celebrating all eight days of Chanukah (which will again be celebrated with grandparents in Michigan).  I am so very blessed to have such a great and loving family and have such fantastic friends.  Love to you all!

(And next year, my goal is to celebrate only two holiday celebrations!)

It's all about the dress - kind of

Over here on blog-central, it's been all about the dress.  At home too.  But not because I want the perfect dress.

I want to get the dress shopping out of the way.  I don't really care about the "perfect" dress, I just want a dress I feel and look good in.  I know generally what that is (an A-line with a little detail).  To go green I've been looking at used dresses online, on eBay, eBay classifieds, craigslist, and Amazon.  But going online shopping isn't the same as doing it in-person.

I want something tangible to prove that I'm getting married, to prove that there is progress being made in this wedding planning business.  But the wedding is just a day, it's the marriage I care about.  And I'm going to feel beautiful and radiant on May 29 no matter what I'm dressed in.

But I did bid on a dress yesterday!  Who knows if I'll get it.  But it was the style I wanted and a great price.  I'd prefer to go dress shopping with my mom- and I still may do that even if I get this dress.  But how could I pass up a dress I really liked for $65?

No wonder

I just told my friend that I haven't had a one-on-one fun outing with any friend in months.  At first I thought I was exaggerating, but I just looked at my calendar, and - nope - it's true.  No wonder I haven't had time to do wedding prep!  I simply haven't had time.

Though, while in Sacramento last weekend for winter holiday with the family, Kate, Izzy (brother), April (bestie), and I jumped quickly into a bridal boutique on our way to lunch.  (We were passing it on the way, and I thought it would be fun to go inside.)  Even with 75% off the dresses, they were still way outside my price range.  Why would I spent $3,500 on a dress for one day?  Plus, I don't even like beading!  I don't get the wedding industrial complex.  The dresses weren't even pretty, they were just over-the-top.

Delicious or acceptable?

Since the last time I posted here Kate and I have decided that we won’t be using Old Spaghetti Factory as our caterer.  We both want to showcase our California roots and Kate and I want our Oakland wedding to reflect our commitment to the local community.  We also care deeply about supporting local businesses and using local food.  OSF, a large corporation that doesn’t use locally sourced foods, doesn’t exactly meet these expectations, so we decided to nix the delicious browned butter and mizithra. 

I was surprised by people’s overwhelmingly negative reactions to OSF.  While Arizmendi’s (another catering choice we’re considering) was funky enough to pass the more traditional foodie inspectors, people though OSF was unclassy.  Comfort food – the theme for the reception food – is not, evidently, “acceptable wedding food”.  These criticisms don’t come from my family – whose opinion I deeply cherish – but often from people I don’t know exceptionally well and aren’t necessarily on the invite list.   

And really, who cares?  Most people aren’t going to remember the food anyway.  And I’ve had “acceptable wedding food” - half the time it only looks beautiful, and tastes disgusting.  I care what the food looks like, sure, but it also has to taste Oh My Goodness good.  And, afterall, this is a party Kate and I am throwing to celebrate this great union.  I never though it was very classy to tell someone else how to throw a party, anyhow.  Or maybe it is.  I've never really understood Ms. Manners, despite my  mom's attempts to civilize me.

OSF

You guys, Old Spaghetti Factory caters!  If you've never eaten out with me, you might not know this, but OSF is my favoritest favorite restaurant ever.  (I mean, have you TASTED their spaghetti with mizithra cheese and browned butter???)

Not only does OSF cater, but they also will deliver the food to you (and possibly serve it too!).  The closest OSF is in Concord for us (30ish minutes away, and you know I'll drive there for spaghetti), and they'll deliver to Oakland!

It's cheap, it's delicious, and I know I love it.  I can't wait for the manager to call me back with details!

My blessed family

(I just love this idea)

This post on Offbeat Bride totally made me cry.  (Take this with a grain of salt - I cry easily.)

[Chanelle writes about marrying someone of the same-sex, and the views of their families.]

Unfortunately, Chanelle's family is not as supportive. It was a hard burden to bear, but the fact that her aunt made such an effort to fly across the country in a show of support really made up for the absence of the others.

During the ceremony, we invited all the witnesses and supporters of our marriage to leave their fingerprints on a tree, hand-drawn by Chanelle's sister, signifying the greater community in which our relationship has and will continue to grow. This simple, yet beautiful, act of involving our loved ones really helped us understand that family is what you make it and even with all the heartache associated with our blood family, our chosen family has always been there for us.

We are so, so, so, so lucky to both have amazing families - all of them!  My moms, my dad's family, her mom's family, and her dad's family all just love us to pieces. We come from supportive backgrounds and no one is going to boycott our wedding because we're in a same-sex relationship.  No, instead they're making us chuppah pieces, helping us find our hotels, going dress shopping, and just excited by the upcoming event.  They're being so helpful, sweet, and fantastic, and I just am overwhelmed with love.  


We are blessed in so many ways.  For having found one another, for living in this great, and for having such an amazing and blessed family.

Chuppah pieces

Kate and I are having a traditional Jewish marriage ceremony with a ketubah (Jewish marriage contract), aufruf (we'll be called to the bimah together to recite a prayer over the Torah the Saturday before our ceremony), and we'll be married under a chuppah* (wedding canopy).

Our chuppah is being made for us by our immediate family - parents, siblings, and grandparents.  Each person was assigned a square (12" by 12") to decorate however they wish, which will then be sown together by Kate's mom to create the canopy.  This weekend we got the first square from Kate's dad, John.  It's absolutely gorgeous and it makes me so excited to see how the others will turn out!!!

I am posting quickly as my new printer is finishing up with the materials for tomorrow's workshop, otherwise I'd post a picture and explain a little bit more about the awesome Jewish traditions we'll be upholding in May.  Can't wait until then!

*It's pronounced huppa

Proposition 8 at the Ninth Circuit Court

This morning Kate and I stood outside the Ninth Circuit Courthouse before the Proposition 8 trial began.  We stood alongside rabbis, ministers, atheists, children, grandparents, parents, and couples all listening to the stories of people effected by Proposition 8.

When the proposition passed, I was in Ohio working for Obama.  My path hadn't yet crossed Kate's, and I had no idea the impact this law would have on my life.  Sure, I was devastated on behalf of my parents - I started crying during the Obama celebration when it looked the Prop 8 had passed - but that is nothing like this experience.  It's different when you feel the need to race to court RIGHT NOW (which - for those of you who don't know - is how we got engaged) because tomorrow they might take away our right to marry.  Or maybe they've already taken it away.  It's different when it's the love of your life that you're trying to marry, not just the love of your family.  Not more or less hurtful, just hurtful in an entirely different way.

So this morning at 7:30, standing outside the Ninth Circuit Courthouse, on the precipice of what could be our right to marry, I was exhausted and excited.  I had gone to bed entirely too late last night because Kate and I were doing media interviews after my rained-out event.  But, more than the physical drain of too-early a wake up call, I am exhausted by going to all these court cases.  I'm exhausted that we have to fight bigotry to simply say "I do", that people challenge one of the best things that has ever happened to me, the love of my life, Kate.

Yet, it's exciting.  What if I could legally marry Kate?  What if we could enjoy the universally known commitment - marriage?  We'll be married in May no matter what, but signing those domestic partnership papers is definitely going to feel like a blow.  Separate is not equal.  Let's hope the Ninth Circuit Court realizes that too.

Online dress shopping

My mom has been sending me some great wedding dresses after I wrote the last post.  Thanks, Mama!

More money than I'll spend on a wedding dress, but it's gorgeous!  Here $1,000- $1,500

 

Ball gown style at David's Bridal $750

 

Great A-Line with straps! David's Bridal  $200

 

Look at that detail! David's Bridal $950

Dress shopping

So that we match, I'm going to pick out my dress before Kate chooses her coordinating suit.  I haven't begun dress shopping, but after looking at the beautiful Jessica McClintock dress online I got excited and went to go try it on.  In gold. Of course the color was awful, but I also didn't like the cut of the dress.

Then I tried on this dress.  I hated the sweetheart neckline, but the dress itself was amazing.

Now I'm thinking of this, this, and this.  Simple, beautiful A-line white dresses.  I think I'm going to have to just have a seamstress add a sash and straps, sadly, because the bridal industry doesn't believe in color or practicality.  

A dress I love!

I love this dress, you guys.  Love, love, love, love, love it.  There are only three things that would make it better:

1. If it came in my size
2. If it came in white or champagne or some other off-white color
3. If it had a sash.  I want a sash to add some pizazz and color.

This is the first dress that I have been inspired by.  Tonight I'm going to go to Jessica McClintock to check out what other fabulous dresses they might have.