Chag Sameach!

Chag sameach - happy holiday!  Tonight begins Passover and Kate and I will be celebrating out unleavened holiday TO THE MAX.  It's been such an exciting (and exhausting) holiday, and it hasn't even begun.  We're keeping a kosher for Passover home this year, and that takes a lot of work.  Unfortunately, it means we haven't been doing that much wedding prep as we try to rid our house of leavened bread and trade out our normal kitchen dishes for our kosher-for-Passover stuff.  I'll be back to regularly scheduled wedding updates soon, after the holiday.

This month's to do list

This is my March wedding "to do" list:
Finalize our calligrapher
Send invitations
Update RSVP wedsite
Confirm food
Talk with Menachem (our rabbi)
Decide on program language
Figure out music
Centerpieces (began)
Figure out aufruf kiddish
Shuttle (began)
Drinks (began)
Hotel room on the Big Island
Inter-island flights
Figure out what we're doing for Jody's birthday
Confirm Aufruf

There's still so much to do....

Guest information

Invitations have been mailed and we're starting to count down the days (77 if you were wondering).  The pieces are beginning to come together and we're trying to put together an idea of who's attending, who needs kosher/vegan/gluten-free/delicious mac and cheese to eat at the reception, and how many awesome people we will get to see on Saturday morning (hopefully you)!

As part of all the logistical and fun details that are part of a wedding, we are having guests register online on our wedsite.  It creates an instant spreadsheet of "yes", "no", and "awesome children attendees".  You might have noticed that on the top right side of this blog you can now see "Guest Information".  That's for you, wedding guests!  It just gives you an outline of what's on the wedsite and where to go if you have any questions.

It's a holiday weekend, so book your flight, reserve your room, and figure out how to be in the awesomest area of all on May 29th.  Can't wait to see you there!

My new last name

Thanks to Kate's aunt and our friend Shosh, our new last name will be Burch.  Like a birch tree, but different.  Taken from Smallenburg and Churchon.

I'm sad that I'm leaving my mother as the only Churchon left in the world (sadly the truth), especially given the amazing story that goes along with our last name, but I want our kids to share our last name.  Kate's electing to keep her last name as her middle name, but I feel that Margee Churchon Burch just sounds weird.  I'm sticking with Margee (Margaret) Manya Burch.

So here comes the brides, with their new last name.  The Burches.  (Not to be confused with the Butches.  That's the next family over.)

Marge & Kat

The invitations have been ordered, and with only one mistake - I misspelled my name.  Thankfully, Kate caught it  when we got back the proofs, and Kate will not be marring Marge.

Which is exciting, because it means that we can employ our crafty friends this Sunday in helping us stuff and mail the invitations.  Which brings me to my next thing: if you're not on Facebook and live in the Bay Area, we're having a crafty wedding party this Sunday.  Help us create our awesome centerpieces and experiment with us!  Details on Facebook or by calling me or Kate.

Amazing Photographer!!!

We have our photographer and I'm so excited!  Alison Yin is fantastic and photographed a wedding of a friend of ours, and came highly recommended.  She has amazing photos, pretty great prices, and we just love her.  Her house is not covered in pink or other things that might indicate fancy wedding obsession, and she is both professional and sweet.  But, most importantly of all, she takes great photos.

Kate and I decided early on that photography was one of the most important parts of the wedding for us.  It's how we'll show our kids our wedding, and remember it ourselves.  And already I'm so happy with our Alison.

We were looking for a photographer who knew what to expect at a Jewish wedding, would give us our high resolution images without a watermark, provide a second shooter at the wedding, edit our photos, and be clear about what they were charging for photos.  The photos need to be artistic and documentary style - no obvious poses for us besides the family line-up.  Alison is everything we wanted, and more.

When we entered her amazing Oakland house, we were greeted by her fantastic dog who was as friendly as Alison was.  Later, we met her boyfriend who will help shoot the photos on the day.  Her living room was beautifully arranged, and it was obvious her artistic skill doesn't end at the camera.  During the non-wedding season she shoots documentary photos, which is partly what she went to school for.  We spoke for over an hour, and both of us really liked her.  I can't wait!!!

Wedding shower?

We're being thrown a wedding shower by one of Kate's awesome aunts.  (Kate has many awesome aunts, actually.  I'm marrying into an amazing family!)  The shower's not local, and it's pretty much going to be family only.  I kind of figured that would be about it, but now I'm curious - do any of you care that we don't throw a friends/Bay Area bridal shower?  Not that if you all say "OMG YOU SHOULD THROW ONE" I'm going to figure out how to, but just wondering what you guys and gals all thought.

Check list

Caterer?  Picked.
Menu?  Almost set.
Photographer?  Narrowed down.
Invitations? Finished and ready to print.
Dress?  Bought.
Hotel? Booked.
Love?  So much.

Kate's suit, wedding rings, wedding rights, centerpieces, decorations, programs, chuppah, seating, alcohol, and everything else can wait.  I'm feeling pretty good about wedding prep right now.

Wedding venue

Looking for a place to get married is some hard stuff.  On one hand, we're surrounded by such beautiful options here in the Bay Area.  On the other hand, it's the Bay Area so everything costs an arm and a leg.  Neither Kate nor I are interested in the "It's The Best Day Of Your Life" sentiment, though our list of what we want in a venue would suggest otherwise.

What we're looking for:

• Outdoor Ceremony - This is pretty much mandatory.  The one exception has so far been the Mills College Chapel, which is surrounded by glass doors looking out onto the beautiful and tree-filled surroundings.
• Cheap - Weddings are expensive, and I have yet to resolve the "there are children dying in Pakistan because of flooding and I'm spending thousands of dollars on a day" dilemma.  So, we're looking to spend less than $2000 on venue if we can.  This will be different depending on food.  Ideally, we'd like to spend less than $30/person on food.
• Holds 125 guests - Because, you guessed it, we have 125 people on the guest list!!!
• Trees or water  - for the outdoor ceremony.  With very little - if any - cement.  No manicured gardens, if can be helped as well!
• Yummy VEGETARIAN food - If it's a picnic, pizza from Arizmendi's, a delicious restaurant, or a caterer, I like good food and I want good food at my wedding.  We are also going to do this kosher-style, so if there's going to be any meat at the reception, it will be limited to fish
• Sunday morning/lunch wedding - after mass, so Armida & Dick (Kate's grandparents) can go to church Sunday morning
• 45 minute drive from Berkeley - We are asking family and friends to come to our synagogue with us on Saturday morning, so we don't want folks driving crazy amounts of places
• Hotel nearby - Ideally the hotel will be very close to the reception site so if folks have a little too much fun, there's no safety problem while they're trying to get home.
• Reception and ceremony at the same place is not mandatory, but ideal.  We would like the two sites to not be more than 10 minutes apart.
• Dates - Most of June and most of August, and the first half of September.  Ideally, Labor Day weekend, but I have no expectations that such a date will be open this late.  We can not have it in July because of our rabbi's availability.  
• East Bay - We're looking in Marin, but I'd really like the wedding in the East Bay, if at all possible.  Afterall, that's where we live!

Where we're looking:

• If it's in Here Comes the Guide, we've probably seen it.  Maybe haven't looked at it super close, but I have gone through every single (!) East Bay, Marin, and San Francisco entry.  If it's not on our spreadsheet, and you think it warrants a looking at, please send it to us!
• Parks!  We haven't had nearly enough time to check out parks yet - or anything in the East Bay - but I there's a good chance we might get married in a park.  They're beautiful, cheap, and I have been scheming up some super cute ideas for picnic baskets, games of frisbee, and other things that simply bring us joy - like bubbles!

Some considerations on venues:

• Alcohol is expensive and not allowed everywhere
• Catering is really expensive!  A "cheap" meal often begins at $25 per person - before a 20% fee and service charge.  Catering lists are often even more expensive.  And - on top of it - I really like good food.
• Flatware is annoying to rent.  So are chairs, table clothes and tables themselves
• Music is also annoying.  If you have it in a park, there's no electricity.  If you have it in a neighborhood, then there's neighbors.
• Set up time is important - unless you're using the trees are your natural decoration.  Sometimes it's hard to get set up time if you're booked for only a few hours.

Blogging about a life partner

I read a lot of blogs.  There's the "typical" wedding blogs: Style Me Pretty, 100 Layer Cake, Classic Bride, and Ruffled.  These blogs have sections called "real weddings" because most of the pictures are models trying to get you to pretend that their picture-perfect, Photshopped, size 0 stylized photo shoots are actually weddings.  Even their "real weddings" don't feel very real; it feels like the wedding is done for show, not for commitment or community affirmation.  (Not to mention, of course, everyone remains very straight.  You wouldn't want to ruin a wedding by allowing gay people in it.)  The blogs are pretty to look at and have cute things here and there, but my I prefer blogs show actual real and beautiful weddings.

My favorites are The Broke-Ass Bride, A Merry Wife, Offbeat Bride, and 2000 Dollar Wedding. There's a lot of reasons I like these blogs, but today's 2000 Dollar Wedding post was a prime example.  She talked about the joys of marrying a life partner.  Most of the fashion wedding blogs talk about the look, but few talk about the people and the marriage.  I want to marry Kate so I can spend my life with her, not so I can look like a princess for a day (though I have every intention of looking freaking awesome on my wedding day).

Sara, the author of 2000 Dollar Wedding, said:

In the process of planning a wedding, it can be so easy to get preoccupied with all the wrong things. There are so many details and distractions. But at its core, this is what it's all about. It's about formalizing our choices and our commitments. It's orchestrating a moment of seriousness and celebration that allows us to proclaim our love and our intentions out loud. It's a precious moment--worthy our attention and effort--but it's just one precious moment in a long line of many.


I would much prefer to get my advice from Sara than Calvin Klein any day.

Yay! We're getting married!

I am here to announce the engagement of my awesome self, Ms. Margee Churchon, to the Lovely Lady Kate Smallenburg.  (She wouldn't like me saying Ms. Kate Smallenburg because that implies one of two genders and there's someone out there who doesn't fit in the binary gender model, and she likes to be all inclusive and stuff.)

We started this blog because you love us.  You ask us all sorts of awesome questions, and we wanted to be able to show you some of the awesome ideas we're throwing around.  So, come and join us for the ride as we explore venues, caterers, decorations, and reveal some tidbits about ourselves.

We're looking at a date in summer of 2011 (June, August, or September) somewhere in the greater Bay Area.  It'll be a nice, big Jewish wedding.  Our wedding is really important to us - we view it as community affirmation of our relationship - and actually, the biggest frustration in this whole process is that practicality keeps us from inviting all of our big, loving, amazing community.  We're blessed with many family members (okay, Kate's blessed with many family members - she has more aunts than I have family), and we're really excited to be under the chuppah with family and friends.