Fly me away

"I didn't realize how stressed you were until your last post" my best friend told me.  And, it's true.  I'm pretty stressed.  But I have to admit, it's not about the guest list.  It's about the guest list; buying tickets to Hawaii;  finding a catering; the many-stepped-ketuba making process; making, printing, and sending the invitations; and figuring out where we're staying in Hawaii.  It's a big list that is all marked urgent, and I seem to just run around in circles without having time to sit down and make a decision with Kate.

So yesterday, I sat down without Kate.  I worked on the invitation.  I figured out what flight I want to book to Hawaii.  I found a gorgeous Kauai house on the beach.  Kate came home later, exhausted from her last day at work at SFOP and then some volunteer work at PJA.  Even when Kate's exhausted, she has time for me and for what she feels she "should" do.  Kate completely amazes me.

She liked the changes I made to the invitation, liked the Kauai house, and we tried to book our flights to Hawaii.  (United, your miles system really sucks.  A lot.  We still don't have tickets and I don't think I'm going to keep my United account.)

We're going to try to book flights tonight, I already sent the Kauai house an e-mail, and we're almost done with the invitation.

And, maybe most importantly, I finished the guest list.

We're going to Hawaii!

Tickets to Hawaii bought!!!  I got mine for $5 and Kate for $250.  Thank you airline miles!

(Do you remember when there were paper tickets for airplanes???)

The List

It'll be a great joy to have you at our party.

Yet, how am I supposed to greet over a hundred people in just under 3 hours?  Will I even know if you're there?  But I want you there anyway.  Even if I only see your face across the room and smile.  For that moment, when I see you, I will be so overcome that I get to celebrate this awesome experience with you.

If I could, I would invite everyone.  But space, food, and costs are all issues.  I want to invite you.  All of you.  I really do.  But I just can't afford it.  We've discussed ways, trying to make that work, but it won't.  It won't be what we want, what we can handle, what we can afford.

When people ask, "Am I invited?" it's a hard question to answer.  You might not be, and how do I say that in a room full of people - some of whom are on the list?

It's expensive to have a party like this.  Suddenly, I have to judge my friendships and ask myself some hard questions, such as "How well do I know you?"  I want you to come, but you don't have my number in your phone or know what I mean when I say "parents".  More importantly, will I know you in three years?  Six?  Will this be something we both treasure for the long length of our friendship, or a fun party that you want to go to?

How do you decide where the guest list ends?  I cherish my community and the people I know, and I don't want to hurt anyone by excluding them.  Already we've increased the size of the guest list considerably, and I hope not everyone RSVPs "Yes".  We simply don't have the space.

We're sending the invitations to the printers soon (I hope), and we're going to have to decide for a final time, who's on the list.  I hate this part of wedding planning.

Yummy in my tummy

We have no idea what to serve at our wedding.  What we want to eat is different than typical wedding food.  We want it to be:

• Local and sustainable food 
• Supports local businesses
• Is delicious
• "Comfort food"
• Not fancy for the sake of fancy

We've been dreaming of Arizmendi's, Home Room, and the Cowgirl Creamery, but nothing is perfect.  We need gluten free and vegan options.  We need somewhere that is accustomed to catering, so our food isn't cold or burnt or late.  I'd prefer if it wasn't outrageously expensive, and was someone who was based out of Oakland or Berkeley.  

When talking wedding, all the norms are off.  Things are fancy, costs are higher, and a simple brunch spread just won't work anymore.  What do you think?  What would you want to eat at a wedding?  And - for the love of all things wonderful - please write down any suggestions you have in the comments.

Nerdy analytical data

I've been having some fun with Google Analytics lately, and I've learned many fascinating things.  The most amusing thing that I've learned is: the biggest keyword that people use to find this blog is "Kate Smallenburg".  It's five times more common than the second biggest keyword, "Joaquin Miller Wedding".


"Margee Churchon", on the other hand, has only directed one person to this site.  Hi, my lonely fan!  


Just kidding.  I also found out that there's a lot more of you out there than I would have ever expected.  Thanks for reading!!!

Wedding logistics for your bum

Picture stolen from here

Like this small child in the picture, we hope that many of our guests will be comfortable sitting on the steps of Joaquin Miller Park.  We plan to make accommodations for our grandparents and others who may not want to toy with gravity, but for the cousins and brothers and other younger guests who will attend - it's the ground for you!

Of course, we don't want to ruin anyone's pretty dress or nice suit, so we want something to help pad your bum while sitting on the cold stone pathway.  You know those cushions you see at stadiums?  I can't find them for rent anywhere, which is frustrating.  I can buy them, sure, but I don't need 140 cushions after the wedding, and I don't want to inspire any sports-related bickering during the ceremony.

The best we've found are "chair cushions".  These nicer seat cushions would obviously have to be shielded from the dirty sidewalk by a blanket or sheet.  While I am amendable to this, I doubt these cushions come cheap.  Or, at least it doesn't appear that Stuart's Party Rentals will cheaply part with their cushions.

If you want a better view of the Joaquin Miller Community Park steps, click here for some gorgeous photos.

Tikkun Olam

The picture's been updated because my fantastic friend found a picture of two women breaking the glass!  Yay Offbeat Bride!

Over at Offbeat Bride they have a lot of cool ideas.  They feature weddings that don't buy into the wedding industrial complex and are unique in some way.  My big hippie self just loves the site.


They have a "Tribe", where us brides (and grooms) can go to talk about wedding prep and exchange ideas.  I'm often inspired by my fellow engaged folks, and the other day I saw this great idea.


One of the iconic images of a Jewish marriage ceremony is the breaking of the glass.  There are many reasons people do this - to bring the wedding couple that many years of good luck and marriage, to remind us in this happy moment that there are other moments that are broken, to remember that the Temple in Jerusalem is in disrepair.  


On Offbeat Bride I saw,
"Instead of breaking a glass, we're going to glue a broken one - a symbol both of marriage and Tikun Olam."


Tikun olam means repairing the world, and is a core concept of modern day Judaism.  And what a better way to symbolize the marriage of two social justice folks whose independent life goals are to find a healing path for ourselves and our community?